You are here
Home > Living > Good sex at any age

Good sex at any age

50plus sex

by Ellen Blake

The Importance of Sexual Intimacy as We Age

Sex is a great tool for protecting or improving health and a powerful emotional experience. The need for intimacy and connection is ongoing and definitely not just for younger people. It will likely be different at age 50Plus than it was at 20 or 30, but it can still be immensely enjoyable. You may feel embarrassed, perhaps by your aging body, or a belief you will not perform adequately to please your partner. Or maybe you lost interest due to illness, medication or loss of a partner. Without an open mind and reliable information, a temporary situation can easily turn into a permanent one. The truth is that much can be done to compensate for the normal changes that accompany age if you are willing to try new things or seek professional help if necessary. 

Benefits of sex as an older adult

Below are excellent reasons to continue a physical relationship with your partner in your golden years:

  • Older people have greater self confidence and self-awareness than during their younger years which can result in better sex
  • With grown children and a less demanding work schedule, you have less distractions and more time to enjoy each other
  • Sex burns fat, causes the brain to release endorphins and can reduce anxiety.
  • A sexual relationship provides the opportunity to express your feelings in a deep and meaningful way.
  • Sex can add years to your life through its health-improving benefits.

Tips to increase intimacy and enjoyment as you age

Accept yourself for who you are today – and love and appreciate your older self

Chances are you know more about yourself and what excites you now than you did in your twenties. Let go of old expectations and try not to focus on what’s different. Yes, your body looks different, but know these changes are natural. Do not allow them to chip away at your self-esteem. Confidence and a positive attitude are attractive qualities and often lead to a more satisfying sex life.

Focus more on physical touch than intercourse

A good sex life at any age involves a whole lot more than just sex. Tenderness and contact are equally important, and perhaps more so as you age. Instead of focusing on what you think sex “should” be, try to take the pressure off by letting go of old ideas. Even those with physical disabilities can benefit from closeness with another individual. Hold hands and touch your partner, and encourage them to touch you.

As this phase of life often allows more time than was available in our earlier years, take your time making love to become more intimate. If you find it helps to relax with your partner before engaging in a physical relationship, find something that relieves stress for both of you. A couples massage or a long bath together are two suggestions that work well for many. Spend more time on foreplay if you find it takes longer for one of you to become aroused now than in the past.

Communicate well and often

Share your ideas about new sexual experiences you want to try. As our bodies and feelings change as we age, communication is more important than ever. Talking openly about sex is difficult for some, but gets easier once you start. Discuss your thoughts, fears and desires that might be different than when you were younger. Talking honestly about sex will help you feel closer and may make sex more pleasurable for you both. Use humor and gentle teasing to help make communication easier.

Find what works for you

Remember it’s not all about intercourse or trying to continue in the same way as when you were younger. The key to a great sex life is to be creative to determine what works for you now. Experiment to find positions that are comfortable and pleasurable for both of you, taking health and body changes into account. For example, oral sex might be a fulfilling substitute if erectile function is an issue for men or dryness an issue for women.

Sometimes simple changes in routine can improve your sex life. If you have more energy in the morning, try to engage in sex then rather than at the end of a long day.

The bottom line

People live longer, and remain healthy longer, than ever before these days. That being the case, there’s no reason for older adults not to continue to have vigorous sex lives in later life. In fact, given the physical and psychological health benefits of an active sex life, it may very well be that engaging in frequent sex as you age contributes to remaining ingood health.

Though poor health can certainly impede sexual activity in the golden years, studies show health is not the most important predictor of sexual frequency. The more significant factor is having a partner. So, while many couples in committed relationships have sex often, those who are alone generally do not. The key to a happy sex life seems to depend on the availability of a partner within a committed relationship.


We'd love to hear from you!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.