My mother’s house is a treasure trove of memories. Every nook and cranny holds a story or a forgotten item. It is a testament to her life. Mom keeps everything.
While the house was always a bit chaotic, it was never overwhelmingly cluttered. When I grew up there, there was a sense of order and safety, even though Mom wasn’t the most meticulous housekeeper. Now, it’s a different story. Old newspapers, faded photographs, broken toys, and even empty cereal boxes fill every space. The attic, basement, and closets are overflowing, with random objects spilling into the living areas. It’s so full that navigating the house is a challenge.
When I try to discuss decluttering, Mom insists every item has a purpose. She’s hesitant to let go of anything, fearing that discarding something might erase a part of her. It’s a delicate situation. I want to help, but I realize that this house is more than just a physical space at this point. It’s a reflection of her identity and her emotional attachment to the past.
Understanding Elderly Hoarding
Hoarding disorder disproportionately affects older adults. While about two percent of the general population struggles with hoarding, this disorder impacts over six percent of people aged 65 and over, as per the U.S. Senate Special Committee on Aging.
It’s important to understand that aging can bring on emotional challenges like loneliness, loss, and a desire to cling to memories. Often these emotions manifest as hoarding behavior that perhaps was not there when your loved one was younger. In addition, physical limitations that come with age can make decluttering difficult, which adds to the accumulation of possessions. Other potential causes of elderly hoarding include mental health issues and cognitive decline. Keep in mind that hoarding is a complex issue and must be dealt with in a sensitive manner.
Signs of Seniors with Hoarding Problems
- Is the living space cramped?
- Is it difficult to navigate moving from room to room?
- Can you find an open area to sit down or place your purse?
- Are the tables, countertops, sinks, and tables piled high with dirty dishes and other items?
- Is the garage or another room being used as a dumping ground?
- Are there out-of-date medications lying around?
- Are spoiled or expired food items creating a mess?
If you answer yes to a few of these questions, your elderly loved one may have a hoarding disorder.
Impact of Elderly Hoarding on the Hoarder
Hoarding in older adults can have significant consequences, both physical and emotional. A hoarding disorder in your loved one’s home can cause health hazards as clutter often creates unsanitary conditions. As a result, you might find pests, mold, mildew, fire hazards and fall risks in the house. Excessive clutter also can make navigating the home difficult and lead to discomfort. Additionally, hoarders frequently feel shame and embarrassment about their hoarding and not want people in their home. This in turn can lead to strained relationships, social isolation, loneliness and depression.
Impact of Elderly Hoarding on Loved Ones
You might feel a great deal of emotional distress if you are in an elderly hoarding situation with a loved one. As a caregiver and/or adult child, it’s not unusual to feel frustration, guilt, anger and resentment. At the same time, you likely worry about the hoarder’s well-being. It’s exhausting. What should you do if you find yourself in this situation with an elderly parent?
How to Approach a Hoarding Parent
It might seem obvious you need to intervene, but it’s easier said than done. It’s essential to approach your hoarding parent with patience, empathy and respect. Do your best to listen actively without judgment and with compassion and empathy.
You might first try a somewhat indirect approach. For example, a friend of mine started by suggesting she and her mom go for walks together. During these outings, she casually mentioned the beauty of simplicity and the freedom that comes with less clutter, keeping the conversation general and not personal. Then one day, while looking through an old photo album together, Sarah mentioned how much she loved the memories associated with certain items. From there, she asked her mother if she ever felt overwhelmed by how many possessions she had in the house. To her great surprise, her mother admitted feeling overwhelmed but said she was afraid to get rid of anything. My friend told me she patiently listened to her mom talk about her feelings and the emotional attachment she had to her belongings. She then suggested gently that perhaps they could go through some of the items together and sort through them. Her mother did not agree at first, but after a few conversations like this, she was ready to go through the clutter. Together they identified items that were no longer meaningful or of use, some of which they donated to charity while other items were tossed. The house gradually became less cluttered over a period of six months, and my friend shared that her mom was visibly happier and less overwhelmed. The experience seemed to bring them closer. The key to addressing the issue of hoarding seemed to be using a gentle empathetic approach.
Cleaning Your Loved One’s Home
After there is a mutual agreement on the need to declutter, you may want to use one or more of the strategies below. No one answer applies to everyone; you need to decide what might work best in your specific situation.
Safety first
Start with the areas that seem most dangerous. Get rid of tripping or fire hazards, out-of-date medications, expired food, or toxic substances.
Offer choices
Offer the choice of what areas to target to give your loved one a sense of control. We recommend you sort possessions into three bins: keep, donate, and throw away. You may need to repeat this process multiple times in the same room.
Remove items immediately
Remove an item from the home as soon as possible after the decision is made to get rid of it. Sometimes when an object is not removed from the residence, a hoarder may add it back to the clutter.
Celebrate victories
Each time you clear an area, celebrate the progress with your loved one.
Set realistic goals
Don’t expect to get your loved one’s home cleared out quickly. Sometimes it takes a long time. Be patient and focus on steady progress.
Create a support system
Encourage your loved one to connect with other people such as friends, family, or support groups. Social interaction often helps reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Get a medical evaluation
Compulsive hoarding may be the result of a neurological disorder or cognitive decline; Have a physician or mental health professional evaluate your loved one as soon as possible to rule out these issues.
Seeking Professional Help for Hoarding
It’s okay to ask for help to address situations where hoarding poses a health or safety risk. Sometimes, this behavior is a symptom of an underlying mental health condition like OCD or depression. Mental health professionals who specialize in elderly hoarding can help your loved one manage these issues. It’s essential also to rule out medical conditions that might cause or contribute to the hoarding. A medical professional can do a physical exam and order tests. And if the clutter is overwhelming, consider working with a professional organizer who can help clear your loved one’s space and provide strategies for maintaining order.
Self-Care for Caregivers
Self-care in a hoarding situation is very important. Don’t forget to take care of yourself to help you through this difficult situation. While supporting your loved one, prioritize your own mental health by setting limits on how much time you spend dealing with the situation. Participating in a support group where you connect with others facing similar challenges is often very helpful too.
The Bottom Line
Work slowly and patiently to work with your elderly parent or loved one to help clear their home of clutter. By implementing strategies that promote accessibility, inclusivity, and support, you can create a more welcoming and accommodating environment for them. Implementing a culture of respect and understanding is key to empowering your elderly loved one to decrease their clutter and maintain their independence. And don’t forget to set boundaries and take care of yourself!
Leslie Farin is the Publisher and Founder of 50PlusToday. She is an experienced communications and marketing professional passionate about working with older adults and their families. She works with a team of writers to provide essential and cutting-edge information related to the 50Plus community.
