However, life is not always easy as we all know – and keeping romance alive when exhausted and busy is hard. In our house, most of our disagreements were about parenting. Others say their arguments were primarily about money. People come into a marriage with different experiences and perspectives, so conflict is inevitable. Working through tough times can lead to many happy later years together, but it does take effort and patience.
How to Keep the Romance Alive in Your Marriage
Here are some suggestions that help my husband and I keep the romance alive in our marriage:
Show your appreciation each and every day.
Yes, every day. Not just on birthdays and Valentine’s Day. From morning until night, couples have the opportunity to offer words of affirmation to show they appreciate one another. Ask yourself every day, “What can I do to celebrate my partner today?”. Give a random wink, squeeze, or kiss to communicate affection.
Surprise your partner.
An ordinary day can seem special when you receive an unexpected surprise. A simple act of love, that need not be costly or require a lot of effort, goes a long way. One of my guy friends often leaves post-it notes with sweet thoughts on the bathroom mirror for his wife to find after he leaves for work.
Spend time together.
Most of us make it a priority to make time for an exciting new relationship but often discontinue doing so once we become more comfortable with the other person. It’s important to spend time together to stay connected; otherwise, it’s easy to unknowingly start to live separate lives. You don’t want to start down that path. It’s not easy to carve out time with the pressures of work and family commitments but do it anyway. My husband and I hired a standing babysitter every Saturday night to force us to go out together when raising our kids. Sometimes we were too busy during the week to make plans, and too exhausted to feel like going out, but when the babysitter showed up, out we went. Sometimes we were out only an hour or two for a quick bite, but no matter how little time away, we always came back refreshed and feeling caught up with each other’s lives.
Don’t criticize your partner in public – or in private.
You don’t want to humiliate your spouse or be disloyal. If you have a problem with your partner, talk to each other, not outside people. See a counselor if you need help with communication. Venting to others can be problematic; while you may work things out and forget all about your complaints later, those listening may not.
When you go out, make sure you go somewhere you can talk.
In other words, if you are fortunate enough to have some time out by yourselves, don’t go to the movies or a restaurant or bar with loud music. Sitting next to someone in an environment where it’s hard to talk does not provide the opportunity to reconnect. And take turns planning your dates; one person should not shoulder all the planning and organizing.
Change up your routine.
Life sometimes requires routines and schedules to fit everything in, but don’t get stuck in a rut. Rules are meant to be broken, at least occasionally, mix things up when you can. Doing so will help keep your relationship fresh.
Take a class together.
Learning something new together will help you get out of a rut and make you both feel more connected. It might even help you discover parts of your relationship that you forgot about. Try a cooking class a tennis lesson or a stargazing event.
Don’t keep a tally of who does what.
Strive to do more than the other person, pick up the slack when necessary and you may find your partner will try to do the same. I love it when my husband helps out without being asked. He tends not to notice what needs to be done which sometimes leads to resentment. Once I communicated my feelings, he worked harder to notice and participate more in chores. The workload is still not equal, but that’s OK. The extra effort is appreciated very much.
Don’t hold a grudge.
Unless you want to kill the romance and keep your distance between you and your partner, that is. Make forgiveness a priority. Your partner may have no idea you are upset about something they do – so make an effort to communicate.
Touch
Intimacy is essential and not negotiable in a healthy, long-term relationship. If you do not want your partner to touch you, work to figure out what’s going on and deal with it – and sooner rather than later. Fostering healthy and consistent and open communication is important to stay connected.
What are the Benefits of a Long-Term Relationship?
Long-term relationships offer a wide range of benefits, both emotional and practical. Here are some of the key advantages:
Emotional support
Long-term relationships provide a deep level of emotional support, understanding, and comfort. Having a partner who knows you well and is there for you through the ups and downs of life can be incredibly valuable for your mental well-being.
Trust and stability
Over time, trust builds in a long-term relationship. Knowing that you can rely on your partner and that they will be there for you creates a sense of stability and security.
Shared experiences
You accumulate shared experiences, memories, and inside jokes as a relationship progresses. These create a unique bond that strengthens the connection between partners.
Growth and personal development
A supportive long-term partner can encourage personal growth and development. They can provide constructive feedback, challenge you to be better, and be a source of motivation.
Increased intimacy
As the relationship deepens, emotional and physical intimacy tends to grow. This level of intimacy fosters a stronger emotional connection and can lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship.
Division of labor
In long-term partnerships, couples often divide responsibilities and tasks, making life more manageable. This can include sharing household chores, financial responsibilities, and childcare, which can lead to a more balanced and less stressful life.
Building a life together
Long-term relationships often involve planning and working towards shared goals, such as buying a house, raising a family, or pursuing career aspirations together.
Financial advantages
Long-term partners can benefit from joint financial planning, shared expenses, and potentially improved financial stability compared to being single.
Support during tough times
Life inevitably brings challenges, such as illness, loss of a loved one, or financial difficulties. Having a long-term partner to lean on during these difficult times can make coping much more manageable.
Health benefits
Studies have shown that people in long-term relationships tend to have better physical and mental health outcomes. Having a partner to share life’s burdens and joys can lead to lower stress levels and increased happiness.
Companionship and friendship: Having a reliable and loving companion with whom you share a deep friendship enriches life and makes it more enjoyable.
It’s important to note that not all long-term relationships are the same, and individual experiences may vary. Building and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting relationship requires effort, communication, and commitment from both partners. However, the benefits of a successful long-term relationship can be truly rewarding and contribute significantly to one’s overall well-being and happiness.
Ready To Go the Distance?
So now you know how to keep the romance alive in a long-term relationship. Are you willing to put in the effort?
It’s essential to stay present to maintain an intimate and loving relationship. Listen carefully to what your partner says and really “hear” what they are saying. Commit to making time to be together. A good marriage doesn’t just happen – we all need to do the work!
