by Ellen Blake
How to Make New Friends After 50
Making new friends can be a challenge
Making new friends at any age can be challenging, but it seems harder as we get older. That’s not great news for those of us who need people in our lives. And that’s most of us, isn’t it? Humans are social creatures and too much alone time is not good for anyone. Connections with others helps us to thrive as we age and provides a support system.
There are lots of reasons why some of us find ourselves feeling lonely and isolated as we get older. Divorce can change our friend groups. The death of a spouse affects our relationships. Retirement alters our interactions with former colleagues. New family responsibilities, health issues and/or physical limitations can make socializing difficult. A move to a new geographic location might not cause a friendship to disintegrate, but it certainly takes more effort to maintain the relationships. And sometimes, we simply grow apart from our long-term friends because we find we have less in common than we did when younger. Simply put, life just gets in the way.
Research shows that social interaction offers many benefits as we age. For that reason, it’s important to make an effort to develop new friendships, though it may require more effort and patience at this point in your life. We all need a support system.
Are people my age open to new friendships?
I feel lucky to have some very dear long-term friendships, however, that doesn’t mean these friends live nearby or have time for me even if they do. While those relationships are important to me, I’d love to develop relationships with new people now who live locally and with whom I really connect. But the reality is that making new friends is easier said than done in this phase of life. We don’t have as many natural social opportunities to meet and interact with people as we did in our younger years. And do other people my age even want new friends? Sometimes it seems like everyone else has their established social circles and are not open to expanding them. Am I the only one who feels alone?
I don’t know about you, but I am rusty. It’s been a long time since I actively sought out new friends. I often feel anxious and self-conscious about meeting new people now and it’s harder to take risks and put myself out there. I don’t like rejection. Who does?
Tips to make new friendships after 50 – Where to start
Make the first move
When you meet someone you enjoy, invite them to get together another time. This may sound obvious, but is not always easy, especially if you, like me, tend to have social anxiety. Don’t expect the other person to take the initiative. They may like you as much as you like them, but are uncomfortable extending themselves. So make the first move yourself. What have you got to lose?
Organize your neighbors
Lots of us don’t even know our neighbors these days. Or maybe we know and like them, but don’t make time to visit with them. Perhaps we mean to, but the days go by quickly and we just don’t.
I live in a development where many of us live in the same homes we moved to 25 years ago. We spent a lot of time together when we all had small kids, arranging playdates and carpooling to activities. But then life got busy, the kids got busy doing their separate activities and we sort of drifted apart. A new couple about our age moved in recently who wanted to meet the neighbors. They didn’t have phone numbers for us, so they taped invitations to all our front doors inviting us to a gathering. Not only did we meet this fantastic new couple, but it was a pleasure to reconnect with our neighbors. We all appreciated this effort to get everyone together and look forward to the next event already in the planning phase. I greatly admired this couple for taking the initiative.
Invite a long-lost friend over for dinner
Do you have friends you truly enjoyed but lost touch with because your lives went off in different directions? With the internet, social media, email, etc, it’s easy to reconnect these days. If they still live nearby, why not reach out and invite them over? Sometimes people change, but sometimes you will find you remember why you were close earlier on in your lives and that the friendship is easily revived. The worst that can happen is you find you no longer have anything in common, and that’s ok, life goes on. You may find that the connection is still strong and it’s easy to rekindle the friendship.
Volunteer
Volunteering is a wonderful way to meet new people and make new friends. Find an organization you want to support and find out what you can do to help. There are many amazing volunteer opportunities in which to participate.
Love live theatre? Check with your local venues to see if they need help in customer service, checking tickets or helping with the sets. Enjoy art and educating others? Why not train to be a docent at a local museum? Passionate about helping seniors? There are an abundance of organizations available where you can deliver meals, help with finances if you have the expertise, visit residents in communities and so much more. Is fundraising for a specific cause more your thing? Check out your local non-profit agencies. Volunteering is a great way to find your purpose while at the same time providing the opportunity to interact with like-minded people and the possibilities are endless.
Take a class or participate in an activity
Enjoy hiking or want to start? Interested in a cooking class? Love to sing in a choir? Enjoy educational classes at the local senior center or community colleges? Your passions, interests and hobbies can lead you to meet people who are curious about similar things. Putting yourself in a position to explore shared interests with others is a great place to start when seeking to make new friends.
Travel with a group
Don’t have someone to join you on a vacation but love to travel? How about taking a trip with a group? Travel is a wonderful way to bond with others and make lasting friendships. And while you may sign up alone for solo travel...you will not actually be alone. RoadScholar, an organization that has amazing trips all over the world, has trips that cater to solo travelers.
Be a good friend
If you want good friends, you need to be a good friend. Would you want to be friends with you? Are you a supportive person and good listener? Do you truly care about others and make yourself available to help out when needed (and when possible)? Most of us are drawn to people who are authentic and kind; it makes sense that if that is who you are, people will be drawn to you.
The bottom line
The answer to the question, “Can I make new friends at age 50Plus”, is absolutely yes! Put yourself out there and see what happens. And if it doesn’t work, move on. If someone is not interested, don’t assume it has something to do with you. It might mean it’s not a good fit or simply that there are other things going on in their life right now. They may not be in a place where they can engage in a new relationship.
We know it’s not always easy to make new friends after 50. However, with persistence and a willingness to take risks, older adults can make new connections and form meaningful friendships. It’s never too late and you may be surprised at the wonderful relationships you can form later in life. Did you know studies show these social connections can lead to a more positive outlook on life, better health and improved longevity?
In a recent interview with CBS Sunday Morning, Jane Fonda talked about the importance of making friends. She said you need to seek out those you enjoy being around. “You have to pursue people that you want to be friends with,” she said, “and you have to say, ‘I’m intentionally wanting to be your friend.’ And it works. People hear that and then they stick around, and you develop new friendships.”
Have you found yourself in a place where you wanted more friends and made the effort to make some? Tell us about your experiences in the comment section below.
