50Plus-Today is more like a curated resource for adults age 50+ than a blog, and we are supported partially by our readers. When you buy via the links on our site, including amazon.com, we may earn an affiliate commission. We do not accept incentives for our reviews; all opinions are our own.
author: Amy Jones
Whether you are in a relationship or single like me, there is yet another holiday fast approaching during which time we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves: Valentine’s Day. People exchange flowers, candy, gifts and cards on February 14th and other holidays. Beginning when I was single in college, I convinced myself I didn’t like flowers or other silly displays of affection. Why do people feel the need to go over the top during holidays?
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves because it’s a holiday?
When I was in a relationship, the question would always arise, “Should we exchange gifts, cards, go out to dinner or stay at home?” When I wasn’t in a relationship, I would feel lonely. It didn’t matter whether I was single or not, Valentine’s Day and other holidays felt forced and uncomfortable with a degree of disconnect. It always seemed to me that we tend to over-exaggerate our love, our feelings and our generosity on the days of the year that are holidays. Shouldn’t every day be special?
Because of all this self-imposed pressure, I created a coping mechanism by telling myself stories to help me get through the holidays (and every day, for that matter). The story I told myself during college about not liking flowers is completely false; in fact I really love them. After my divorce, I told myself a story that I don’t mind being alone on Valentine’s Day, when honestly I would love having a date on Valentine’s Day, other holidays and every day. Being single for the last 10 years, I told myself a story that I’m ok being alone.
Most days I am ok with it, however, there are those days when it would be really, really amazing to come home to someone. In order to avoid disappointment, I told myself I don’t like displays of affection and this just isn’t true either. The truth is all these stories are false. I’ve recognized this, accepted it and now I’m making the decision to manifest a romantic partner.
Here is my 3-Step Process:
Step #1 – I’m Visualizing and Feeling
I buy flowers for myself weekly. I place them where I can see them when I walk in my front door and in my bedroom. I imagine, visualize and feel the expression of caring from my partner. Seeing them every day reminds me how much I love flowers and how much he loves me. It is human nature to need external validation and fresh flowers provide proof. I take time selecting just the right bouquet every week that will be visible evidence that I am loved. I no longer tell myself the story that I don’t like flowers. I’m visualizing and feeling what it will feel like to receive flowers from my partner every week.
Step #2 – I’m Serious About Dating
I’ve joined two different dating sites. My intention is to find a compatible romantic partner. The time, energy and effort are well worth the investment. I am discovering what I want and need to create a life to share with my significant other. I’ve spent countless hours online looking, searching for and corresponding with potential suiters. I’ve spent countless hours offline meeting and chatting with potential partners. I no longer tell myself the story that I’m ok being alone. I’m focused on doing whatever it takes to be serious about dating.
Step #3 – Discover The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman has been instrumental in discovering more about myself; how I feel love and how I express love. I’ve known about the five love languages for years and my primary love language has always been Acts of Service with the secondary being Quality Time. I recently took the test again: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ and my secondary love language had changed to Physical Touch. I believe this has changed because I’ve been single for a while and don’t get touched on a regular or frequent basis. Now, I almost crave being touched especially in a loving and caring way that only my partner can provide. I no longer tell myself I don’t like displays of affection. I know my love languages and sharing them with my partner will help me be loved and love him in ways that are significant to both of us.
This is an exciting time in my life. Every day is special, and I’m focused on discovering what is true and relevant in my life. I’m letting go of the old stories that don’t apply any longer.
I’m creating new thought process, experiences and situations on how to give love and receive love; relieving the pressure of Valentine’s Day and manifesting a romantic partner.
About the author:
Amy Jones is a personal growth visionary, international speaker and author who lives and breathes one simple philosophy: live in the moment. For over two decades, she has inspired thousands of people; intent on helping facilitate their personal growth and self-healing process by creating opportunities for significant and lasting life changes through personal interactions, workshops and writing found on www.TheAmyJones.com
Amy is a highly sought-after speaker and her series Getting Rid of Possessions: It’s Harder Than You Think has the highest attendance in the history of the Generations program at Methodist Health Systems. She is the author of Better for Being Broken and co-author of Break Through with Johnny Wimbrey, Nik Halik and Les Brown.