by Debi Talbert
Sunday afternoons at my house are for inviting family over, lounging around the pool, and enjoying a meal together. It was during one such Sunday during a leisurely flip through an old scrapbook, a historical document of my younger years, that I happened upon the unexpected. My seven-year-old granddaughter pointed to a photo and observed, “Nonna, you were prettier then.” This innocent comment from a child wriggled under my skin like an uninvited chill. It dawned on me that this was my wake-up call from internal ageism.
Internal Ageism
Have you ever had one of those ‘time to face the music’ moments that made you ponder your internal narrative and notions of aging? My granddaughter’s unintentionally hurtful comment set into motion an unwavering defiance against the ageism that I unwittingly internalized. It marked the beginning of a personal evolution—an awakening to the full spectrum of life’s potential, unhindered by the arbitrary constraints of age.
Six Ways to Defy Ageist Thinking
Here are six lessons I’ve learned so far on my journey to challenge my internalized narrative and notions of aging.
Confront the Gray Ghosts of Ageism
That day, my granddaughter unwittingly took a sledgehammer to my internalized ageist wall. I heard society’s whispered tales of decline and invisibility past a “certain age,” and I bought it, hook line, and sinker! Her comment got me pondering and questioning — maybe it wasn’t just laugh lines I refused to embrace, but a whole darned narrative that wasn’t mine to begin with.
What narrative are you unknowingly embracing? Slap on your detective hat and start questioning the narrative. Every time you catch yourself saying, “I’m too old for this,” ask, “Why?” and “Says who?” Is that your genuine voice, or is it an echo from a youth obsessed society? Poke around for the source of these beliefs. You might find they’re as outdated as the avocado green refrigerator your grandma loved and refused to let go. Remember, just because something’s repeated over the generations doesn’t mean it’s the truth.
Fold Up the Rocking Chair Stereotypes
My granddaughter’s innocent words nudged me into a fresh adventure – my first indoor rock-climbing expedition. There I was, decades past the so-called “prime age,” hands chalked and heart pulsing. My grandson, wise beyond his ten years, advised, “Nonna, you’re gonna scale it. Not just try, conquer it!” Since my first indoor rock climb, I’ve hit the gym regularly, not to ward off age but to befriend it, laughing at the absurdity of the stereotypes that once defined what was ‘age appropriate.’ Next time you face something new and daunting, and that little voice in your head murmurs, “You’re too old for this,” flip the script. Embrace the challenge with a “Yes, I Can” mantra. Look yourself in the eye, muster that gumption, and as my 10-year-old grandson says, “Conquer it.”.
When did you last surprise yourself by jumping out of the proverbial comfort zone?
Navigate The Tech Torrent with a Young Crew
Because I’ve chosen to grow a business online, here’s a familiar scene: a roomful of twenty-somethings swiping through their slick, newfangled devices, and amid them, there’s me believing the old narrative, “I’m a dinosaur in this tech jungle.” But when those kids huddled around and showered me with tech-savvy wisdom, I realized that ageism in tech is just a misplaced myth. It’s not age that defines your ability to learn; it’s your willingness. Partner up with a tech-savvy whiz kid. They love sharing their know-how. Make it a weekly affair over coffee. It’s not just about mastering the tools; it’s about bridging the gap between generations.
How can you buddy up and brave the digital divide?
Mirror, Mirror: Not Just a Tale of Years
Oh, the mirror! I used to avoid this silver sidekick, believing it highlighted every year I trekked around the sun. It used to feel like facing a music conductor, poised to orchestrate a symphony of sighs about each line and wrinkle – every crease a footnote of a traveler who clocked up miles. But what if we see it as a collection of stories, each crease a plot twist, each wrinkle a chapter’s cliffhanger? And so, I started seeing my reflection as a well-worn novel, rich with plots of joy, success, and even a little mischief. Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing amiss with wanting to feel good in your skin. But you can find more magic by splurging on a ticket to ‘Experienceville’ than spending money on a face cream that promises to turn back the years.
Do your mirror’s whispered stories speak of adventures or merely time?
Draw On a Lifetime’s Palette to Paint New Dreams
Common wisdom suggests certain pursuits are reserved for the uninitiated youth, the “unsettled.” At 66, I turned this on its head, pouring every ounce of life’s wisdom into launching a coaching business. It’s become a clarion call for my peers—women who weathered storms and now navigate their dreams through uncharted waters. The world’s not just for the young and restless; it’s for the bold and the seasoned. And let’s face it, you, my friend, are seasoned to perfection.
What’s that dream you shelved because it felt too late to pursue?
Living for The Salt and Sugar of Life
Life’s flavors—the sweet, the savory, the bitter—aren’t they what makes it rich? I’ve come to savor them all, letting each experience season my approach to every sunrise with a knowing smile. Let’s face it, a bit of ‘lifey’ zing goes a long way in creating that perfect recipe for personal growth. Look back at the buffet of your life. See the spread? It’s a mix-and-match that’s uniquely yours. And it’s these flavors – the moments that made you, well, you – that arm you with the zest to keep adding to your banquet.
The next time life serves you a platter that’s equal parts sweet and salty, ask yourself: What’s the seasoning lesson here?
Conclusion
From that scrapbook encounter came a realization as profound as it was liberating. Ageism, the crafty specter, colored my perspective, and it was time to repaint the canvas. I have pages to fill, with stories of scaling not just walls, but also those invisible barriers we erect with every unfounded ‘can’t’ and ‘too late.’
Let this season of life be about saying yes to the spur-of-the-moment road trip, learning to play the banjo because why not, or painting your front door bubblegum pink if it tickles your fancy. Embracing this season with zeal means hushing the mutters of “too much” or “too late.” It’s not about brashness; it’s about the unadulterated essence of being audaciously, delightfully, unmistakably YOU.
What’s your next chapter? Will it be a rallying cry against the quietly accepted norms or a bold, italicized statement of living life fiercely and without apology?
I speak to you, fellow life navigators on this magnificent journey of life. It’s time we smash those age-old myths, much like conquering that climbing wall—grab hold, ascend, and celebrate the view from the top. Together, let’s rewrite the rules. Every laugh line is a trophy and every year, a treasure. And let’s do it with an audacity that makes every wrinkle worth it.
About the Author: Debi Talbert
You know how some women, after they hit their fifties, feel like their spark for life is gone and their confidence fading? What Debi does is empower women who want their confidence and spark for life back to change their story about this season of life and pursue their passions. Debi’s own journey through her fifties led her to buy into the narrative that a woman over the age of 50 is washed up, too old and past her prime. Changing her beliefs transformed her entire life. She ended a decade-long struggle with over-drinking and revived the spark in her marriage, which emboldened her to start a coaching business. Debi is a professional trained Certified Life Coach with advanced certification in behavior change and habit design. Debi offers group coaching programs as well as private 1-1 coaching. Connect with her at JumpseatCoaching.com
FAQs About Ageism
Below are some commonly asked questions we hear about ageism.
What is ageism?
Ageism refers to the discrimination or prejudice against individuals or groups based on their age, often leading to stereotypes, negative attitudes, and unequal treatment. Sometimes these beliefs stem from societal values, and sometimes from within. Don’t let the outside world dictate how you feel about yourself.
What are the main causes of ageism?
Ageism can result from various factors, including societal stereotypes, fear of aging, economic concerns, and a lack of understanding or exposure to different age groups.
How do societal stereotypes contribute to ageism?
Stereotypes perpetuate ageism by promoting biased and often negative beliefs about specific age groups. Assuming that older individuals are technologically illiterate is a good example.
Is fear of aging a significant factor in ageism?
Yes, the fear of aging can contribute to ageism. Society may associate aging with decline, dependence, and loss of productivity, leading to negative attitudes toward older individuals.
Are economic concerns a cause of ageism?
Yes, economic factors can play a role. In workplaces, employers might exhibit ageist behavior by favoring younger workers due to perceived cost-effectiveness, potentially leading to discrimination against older employees.
How does a lack of understanding contribute to ageism?
Ignorance or a lack of exposure to different age groups can foster ageism. When people are unfamiliar with the capabilities and contributions of individuals of different ages, stereotypes and misconceptions may arise.
Are media portrayals responsible for ageism?
The media can contribute to ageism by perpetuating stereotypes and showcasing limited representations of different age groups. Unfair portrayals can reinforce negative biases held by society.
How can we combat ageism?
Combatting ageism requires raising awareness, challenging stereotypes and promoting intergenerational understanding, both on external and internal levels!