The LAT (Living Alone Together) movement is growing rapidly in popularity. Many people want companionship and love at age 50plus, but do not want to marry (or remarry), or even live together. Maybe you cohabitated with a significant other previously and it didn’t end well, or perhaps you never married and are not interested at this stage of the game. If you are ready to ditch the loneliness without sacrificing your independence, especially if you now have an empty nest, you may want to consider becoming a LAT! People who successfully live this lifestyle with a significant other say it’s like having your cake and eating it too.
What Is a LAT Relationship?
A LAT relationship is where two people are in a committed romantic relationship but choose to live in separate households rather than cohabiting. A couple living this lifestyle may choose to spend a great deal of time together but also value their time alone. Reasons for choosing this type of arrangement vary widely and may be personal or financial. Whatever the explanation, it seems that this living situation can work very well. Couples tell me that their lives apart fuel the spark of their lives together; after all, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, right? The gift of space allows time to focus on themselves, hobbies, work, and spend alone time with family and friends.
Companionship After 50
I know a wonderful couple, let’s call them Beth and Rob, who navigate their LAT arrangement beautifully. When I asked why they chose this type of relationship, they explained that they both had very full lives when they met six years ago and still do. Though they prioritize their time together and are 150% committed to each other, they both treasure their personal space. This way, they get to set up their homes the way they want and get to spend time independently, doing whatever they want or need, to recharge and replenish. Beth explained that it’s helpful that Rob’s office is less than one mile away from her house which makes it easy to see each other when they want.
Beth and Rob say they are both on the same page for their LAT relationship for the most part. Now and then they flirt with the idea of building or modifying an existing home where they would live under the same roof, but quickly move on after considering the added stress of cohabitating. Why fix something that isn’t broken? The situation isn’t without its challenges, however. For example, when Rob gets extremely busy at work, they do not see each other as often as they would like. When people live together, no matter how busy, there seem to be more opportunities to connect. But, they make it work. They make the effort to either talk on the phone or grab a quick lunch.
“We are always happy to see each other when we do, and neither of us puts pressure or guilt on the other. We love our relationship exactly the way it is!”
Making LAT Work: Tips & Considerations
Many couples find LAT (Living Apart Together) relationships fulfilling, but they also come with some challenges. Here are some key hurdles to consider:
Distance and Loneliness
Physical separation can make it harder to feel close and connected. You might miss spontaneous moments of intimacy or struggle with feelings of loneliness, especially if you are unable to see each other frequently.
Communication and Effort
In this type of living arrangement, maintaining clear and consistent communication is crucial. Scheduling quality time, expressing needs clearly, and being extra attentive are important when you’re not together all the time. Just because you both agree to live separately doesn’t mean you don’t sometimes need reassurance. Insecurities can still creep in. Open communication and established boundaries are essential to building trust. In addition, keep in mind that planning activities, making time for meaningful conversations, and keeping shared interests alive are important ways to nurture your relationship.
Finances and Fairness
Sharing finances and household responsibilities is sometimes tricky when you don’t share a living space. Make sure you openly discuss who pays for what, how often you visit each other’s places, and how you handle chores when you are together.
Social Stigma
Living Alone Together (LAT) relationships are not as widely accepted as traditional cohabitation. That means you might face judgment from family or friends. If the relationship works well for you, try not to worry about what others think. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but articulating your reasons for choosing this arrangement can help others to better understand your choices.
You can overcome these challenges with clear communication, clear boundaries and expectations, and respect for each other’s independence. Your commitment to making the relationship work is the most important first step.
The Perks of LAT (Living Alone Together)
Do you think a LAT relationship might be for you? This alternative living arrangement for couples might be exactly what you are looking for if you crave connection but want your own space too. Think about it – it might be a way to have the best of both worlds. This unique situation offers both independence and companionship for those dating over 50. Here are some of the perks of LAT living.
Your Space, Your Sanctuary
Afraid a significant other might take over your home? LATs let you keep your cherished routines and personal space.
Companionship and Emotional Connection Without Compromise
Miss sharing laughter and adventures? LATs allow for deep emotional connection and quality time with your partner, on your terms, and your schedule.
Financial Benefits
Separate finances can be a major perk. No more arguments about who forgot to pay the cable bill!
Time to Pursue Your Passions
Love that Tuesday night pottery class or weekend kayaking trips? LATs give you the freedom to indulge in your hobbies without feeling guilty.
Reduced Isolation
LATs offer a healthy balance of connection and solo time.
Living Alone Together (LAT): Finding Happiness After 50
This relatively new way to find love and companionship after 50 celebrates both independence and connection. For some, the whole concept of LAT might seem completely foreign. For others, this arrangement offers a refreshing alternative to traditional cohabitation. You get the joy of a deep emotional connection with your partner, shared adventures, and stimulating conversations, all on your own terms. Imagine movie nights with your special someone, but also the comfort of curling up with a good book in your own space.
LATs might just be the key to rekindling the spark in your life. Open your heart to the possibilities! Happiness after 50 can come in many forms. You can make this unique arrangement a success story with good communication, clear boundaries, and a shared vision. Embrace the adventure and explore the possibilities of a Living Alone Together arrangement. You may discover a fulfilling chapter filled with love, companionship, and the freedom to be your authentic self.
Please share your thoughts – we would love to hear from you in the comment section below!
FAQs
Below are some commonly asked questions we hear from our readers about LAT relationships.
Are LAT relationships considered less committed than cohabiting relationships?
Not necessarily. LAT partners can be just as committed to each other emotionally, financially, and socially as partners in cohabiting relationships. Commitment is about the quality of the relationship and the intentions of the partners, not just living arrangements.
How do LAT partners manage finances and household responsibilities?
Finances and household responsibilities in LAT relationships are typically managed independently unless the partners decide otherwise. Each partner is responsible for their living expenses, and they may negotiate shared expenses like vacations or special events.
Can LAT relationships work long-term?
Yes, LAT relationships can work long-term if both partners commit to making the arrangement work and have good communication and mutual respect. Like any relationship, they require effort, understanding, and compromise.
How do LAT partners maintain intimacy and connection?
LAT partners maintain intimacy and connection through regular communication, spending quality time together, making efforts to visit each other’s homes, planning activities and outings, and using technology for virtual interactions if they live far apart.
What are some of the challenges of LAT relationships?
Some challenges of LAT relationships can include managing time apart, dealing with societal perceptions or judgments, potential feelings of loneliness or missing out on shared experiences, and navigating logistical issues like travel and coordination.
How do you explain a LAT relationship to family and friends?
Explaining a LAT relationship to family and friends involves being honest and clear about the arrangement while emphasizing the strength and commitment of the relationship despite living apart. It can also be helpful to address any concerns or misconceptions they may have.
Leslie Farin is the Publisher and Founder of 50PlusToday. She is an experienced communications and marketing professional passionate about working with older adults and their families. She works with a team of writers to provide essential and cutting-edge information related to the 50Plus community.
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